255 lines
6.4 KiB
TeX
255 lines
6.4 KiB
TeX
\herosection{The Books of Torin}{chapters/2026.05.16-TheBooksOfTorin/image/the-books-of-torin.jpg}
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\newcommand{\storyhead}[1][0.5\textwidth]{\begin{figure}[h]\centering\includegraphics[width=#1]{art/17a.eps}\end{figure}}
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\DROPCAP{../../dropcap_c/dropT.png}orin had rehearsed it for weeks.\\
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When the moment came, \\
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the words arrived in the wrong order anyway.
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``I can't do this,'' he said to her. \\
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``I'm sorry. I just — can't.''
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She looked at him for a long moment.\\
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Then she picked up her coat \\
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and left without speaking.\\
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The door closed quietly, \\
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which was worse than if she had slammed it.\\
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He reached toward the door.\\
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Then didn't.
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\medskip
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She walked for a long time.\\
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Through the market quarter, \\
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past the fountain, \\
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out along the river road \\
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where no one knew her face.\\
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By the time she stopped walking, \\
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she was somewhere she had never been.
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She found a room above a cobbler's shop.\\
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She paid a month in advance \\
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and asked no questions.\\
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Neither did he.
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For weeks she barely left.\\
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She slept long, irregular hours.\\
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She ate when she remembered.\\
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She cried without sound, \\
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the way people cry \\
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when they have learned \\
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not to disturb anyone.
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Then one morning she rose before dawn\\
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and sat at the small table by the window.\\
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She did not know why.\\
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She simply sat.
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By midmorning she had written three pages.\\
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By evening, seven.\\
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She did not know what they were yet.\\
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Only that they were hers \\
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in a way nothing had been before.
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Years later, \\
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people would read what she wrote\\
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and feel less alone in their own silences.\\
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They would not know where it came from.\\
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She would not tell them.\\
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But sometimes, \\
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signing her name,\\
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she would think of a door closing quietly\\
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and feel something she could not quite call gratitude —\\
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though it was close.
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\medskip
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Meanwhile, \\
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Torin stood in the silence she had just left behind.\\
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It had weight, that silence.\\
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More than he expected.
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On the table beside him \\
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lay a book he had not placed there.\\
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Its title was simply:
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\emph{The Book of Torin II}
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His own face looked back at him from the cover.\\
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He picked it up and began reading:
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\clearpage
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\storyhead
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\subsection*{The Book of Torin II}
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\subsubsection*{Chapter 1}
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\lettrine[lraise=0.0]{T}{orin} had rehearsed it for weeks.\\
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When the moment came, \\
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the words arrived in the wrong order anyway.
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``I can't do this,'' he said to her.\\
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``I'm sorry. I just — can't.''
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She looked at him for a long moment.\\
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Then she picked up her coat \\
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and left without speaking.\\
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The door closed quietly, \\
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which was worse than if she had slammed it.\\
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He reached toward the door.\\
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Then didn't.
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\medskip
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She did not walk.\\
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She stood outside the door for a moment,\\
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then went directly to her sister's house.
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Her sister opened the door, \\
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took one look, \\
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and said nothing.\\
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She simply stepped aside.
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For three days she did not speak of it.\\
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On the fourth day, \\
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over tea gone cold, she said:\\
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``He couldn't do it.''
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Her sister nodded.
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``I think I knew,'' she said. \\
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``I think I was waiting for him to know.''
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Her sister refilled the cup.
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The fury came later —\\
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not at him, \\
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but at herself,\\
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for having made herself small enough to fit\\
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inside someone else's hesitation.
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That fury had an edge to it.\\
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She learned to use the edge.
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She went back to school.\\
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She finished what she had abandoned.\\
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She became — \\
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in time, and not without cost —\\
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someone who did not wait to be chosen.
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She thought of him rarely.\\
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When she did, \\
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it was without heat.\\
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Only a mild curiosity:\\
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whether he had ever learned ---\\
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to stay.
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\medskip
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Meanwhile, \\
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Torin stood in the silence she had just left behind.\\
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It had weight, that silence.\\
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More than he expected.
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On the table beside him \\
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lay a book he had not placed there.\\
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Its title was simply:
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\emph{The Book of Torin III}
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His own face looked back at him from the cover.\\
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He picked it up and began reading:
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%\clearpage
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\storyhead
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\subsection*{The Book of Torin III}
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\subsubsection*{Chapter 1}
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\lettrine[lraise=0.0]{T}{orin} had rehearsed it for weeks.\\
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When the moment came, \\
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the words arrived in the wrong order anyway.
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``I can't do this,'' he said to her. \\
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``I'm sorry. I just — can't.''
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She looked at him for a long moment.\\
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Then she picked up her coat \\
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and left without speaking.\\
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The door closed quietly, \\
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which was worse than if she had slammed it.\\
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He reached toward the door.\\
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Then didn't.
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\medskip
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She walked to the end of the street\\
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and sat on the low stone wall \\
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where they had once sat together\\
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eating figs from a paper bag.
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She sat there until the light changed.
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Then she did something that surprised her:\\
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she laughed.\\
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Not bitterly.\\
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Just — laughed.\\
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A short, exhausted sound,\\
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like something being set down after a long carry.
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She had known.\\
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Not consciously, \\
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not in words,\\
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but somewhere beneath words ---\\
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she had known for months\\
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that he was building toward this.\\
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Part of her had been waiting,\\
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the way you wait for rain\\
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when the air has had that quality all day.
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She was sad.\\
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She would be sad for a while.\\
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But underneath the sadness\\
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was something she hadn't expected:\\
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relief.
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Not because she hadn't loved him.\\
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But because she had been loving him\\
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at the cost of something she couldn't name —\\
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some direction in herself\\
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that his hesitation had made impossible to follow.
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Now it was possible.
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She sat on the wall a little longer.\\
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Then she stood, put her hands in her pockets,\\
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and walked — \\
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not away from anything,\\
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but toward something\\
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she was only beginning to see.
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She did not look back.\\
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Not because she was angry.\\
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Because she was already\\
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somewhere else.
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\medskip
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Meanwhile, \\
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Torin stood in the silence she had just left behind.\\
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It had weight, that silence.\\
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More than he expected.
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On the table beside him \\
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lay a book he had not placed there.\\
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Its title was simply:
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\emph{The Book of Torin IV}
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His own face looked back at him from the cover.\\
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He picked it up and began reading:
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\storyhead
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\subsection*{The Book of Torin IV}
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\subsubsection*{Chapter 1}
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\lettrine[lraise=0.0]{T}{orin} had rehearsed it for weeks.\\
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When the moment came, \\
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the words arrived in the wrong order anyway \ldots{}
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